Thursday, October 20, 2016
how special i feel when it's not even my day
when i'm wearing a little bit of black
and you startle me in an all red
i didn't waste my day with you
only by the night
when the recesses come
when it's just the both of us
and our very mundane activities
you break the bubble of my self-absorption
and breathe the zest and encapsulate me in a new energy
one that is so out there
one that seems so old and wise yet still so youthful
this was a night
i would call in the future
those were the days
Friday, October 7, 2016
(positions)
It's not a circle
They say the earth
Is oblate spheroid
A language that my mind seems to not understand
But she just shrugs me off
And tell me to look at an orange
The fruit i mean
I look at the globe
Goddamnit it's not even made of marble
It's just plastic! An inflatable plastic
Where its cheap paint, i can scratch off and
Allow the names of the countries to disappear
Making up a dream where no boundaries exist
because the lines are nowhere to be seen
How then am i supposed to learn
That, yes, the world turns
And the distances are long and wide and meant to be traversed
When all you look at
Is the map
Where you don't even pay attention to the time zones on top
I believe the degrees and the inclination are better understood with a 3D model
Where you don't even recognize that even if
We are looking at the same sun and same moon
Sometimes you will always be ahead
That you are convinced
Time is the same
You tell me
They say the earth
Is oblate spheroid
A language that my mind seems to not understand
But she just shrugs me off
And tell me to look at an orange
The fruit i mean
I look at the globe
Goddamnit it's not even made of marble
It's just plastic! An inflatable plastic
Where its cheap paint, i can scratch off and
Allow the names of the countries to disappear
Making up a dream where no boundaries exist
because the lines are nowhere to be seen
How then am i supposed to learn
That, yes, the world turns
And the distances are long and wide and meant to be traversed
When all you look at
Is the map
Where you don't even pay attention to the time zones on top
I believe the degrees and the inclination are better understood with a 3D model
Where you don't even recognize that even if
We are looking at the same sun and same moon
Sometimes you will always be ahead
That you are convinced
Time is the same
You tell me
Thursday, October 6, 2016
what do i eat
what do i want to eat
i ask myself
look at the flaps of my wallet
fumbling and hoping to see a yellow bill
alas, i have instead
the one not in fuschia, but somewhat red
i grimace at the thought
oh food why do i have to want you
even if i cannot get you with what i have now
should i just instead
wait for my pockets to be full
or ask for someone to lend me their shiny little circles
and add them all together
so that i may have a share
of what i really had in mind
in the first place
but what do i really want to eat
is it enough to have much
and then an array of options
completely making me feel even more lost than before
i should have not asked for more
i should have just eaten what i could have
i ask myself
look at the flaps of my wallet
fumbling and hoping to see a yellow bill
alas, i have instead
the one not in fuschia, but somewhat red
i grimace at the thought
oh food why do i have to want you
even if i cannot get you with what i have now
should i just instead
wait for my pockets to be full
or ask for someone to lend me their shiny little circles
and add them all together
so that i may have a share
of what i really had in mind
in the first place
but what do i really want to eat
is it enough to have much
and then an array of options
completely making me feel even more lost than before
i should have not asked for more
i should have just eaten what i could have
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
If I were Annie's Father
Soft pastels and fancy wallpapers
Of a room for two touched by Western architecture
With the Malaysian sunrise and sunset peeking into its windows
The floor is wooden and shiny
The sound of the heels of my loafers seem to mimic the sound of my cardiac muscle
I see your desk
Your stuff, your laptop which you always leave with the web cam open
Your grandmother's works that you keep in a treasure box
And Marie's ancient clothes iron that you promised to replace
And then I see your bed
Not small, but not quite big either
The sheets are still the same since I last visited
But it's not crumpled anymore
The creases on the sheets are no longer there to tell me which side of the bed you slept
I turn around and face the opposite side
What a pretty good view that you have here, Child
Then I sit on your bed
I look around once more
Left to right, top to bottom and front to back
Snippets of the people you love are near your bedside
And then I gave in to the invitation of the bed
I climb in and the weight of me creates a creaking sound
But louder is my heart and my tears when I see myself in the ceiling
It is a photo of me
And I see you as I try to reach it
Child, you are not of my blood
But you will always be one of the reason why my heart still beats
Even if you have lost your breath
Of a room for two touched by Western architecture
With the Malaysian sunrise and sunset peeking into its windows
The floor is wooden and shiny
The sound of the heels of my loafers seem to mimic the sound of my cardiac muscle
I see your desk
Your stuff, your laptop which you always leave with the web cam open
Your grandmother's works that you keep in a treasure box
And Marie's ancient clothes iron that you promised to replace
And then I see your bed
Not small, but not quite big either
The sheets are still the same since I last visited
But it's not crumpled anymore
The creases on the sheets are no longer there to tell me which side of the bed you slept
I turn around and face the opposite side
What a pretty good view that you have here, Child
Then I sit on your bed
I look around once more
Left to right, top to bottom and front to back
Snippets of the people you love are near your bedside
And then I gave in to the invitation of the bed
I climb in and the weight of me creates a creaking sound
But louder is my heart and my tears when I see myself in the ceiling
It is a photo of me
And I see you as I try to reach it
Child, you are not of my blood
But you will always be one of the reason why my heart still beats
Even if you have lost your breath
Saturday, September 24, 2016
The wonder
Is in the way I feel
Almost complete
When I wake up in the morning
When I turn the faucets on and nobody else is there to hear the sound of cold water
springing out from the tubes
When I pick out what to wear and nobody else is there to see the pile of unfolded clothes
because i just can't seem to choose
When I put all my stuff inside my bag and nobody else is there to see all the trinkets that add weight to my bag on my scoliotic back
When I silently, but not so, try to shut the door so I won't disturb you
When I try to walk as fast as I can so that I won't get late
When I try to concentrate on Your word and try not to fall asleep
When I could feel myself almost breaking down whenever I see families and people huddled together, with companions
When I could feel myself trying to hold back the tears because I left my handkerchief in the room
When, after that, I would have to choose a place to break my fast on my own and nobody is there to argue with me where to eat
When I look for a table for two, when in reality, I'm just looking for a small table for myself and for the cheap food that I am about to eat
And when I open my notes, there goes my heart, on a table that reminds me of my singularity
I wonder why I still feel complete.
Is in the way I feel
Almost complete
When I wake up in the morning
When I turn the faucets on and nobody else is there to hear the sound of cold water
springing out from the tubes
When I pick out what to wear and nobody else is there to see the pile of unfolded clothes
because i just can't seem to choose
When I put all my stuff inside my bag and nobody else is there to see all the trinkets that add weight to my bag on my scoliotic back
When I silently, but not so, try to shut the door so I won't disturb you
When I try to walk as fast as I can so that I won't get late
When I try to concentrate on Your word and try not to fall asleep
When I could feel myself almost breaking down whenever I see families and people huddled together, with companions
When I could feel myself trying to hold back the tears because I left my handkerchief in the room
When, after that, I would have to choose a place to break my fast on my own and nobody is there to argue with me where to eat
When I look for a table for two, when in reality, I'm just looking for a small table for myself and for the cheap food that I am about to eat
And when I open my notes, there goes my heart, on a table that reminds me of my singularity
I wonder why I still feel complete.
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